The November Feels

Guys, it is November already!  I do not know how this happened...  

 
After the longest few months in eternity (March-May), summer happened, and suddenly it's almost Christmas.  In all fairness, September always flies by with back-to-school, and October is full with Thanksgiving and birthdays, and suddenly, here we are in November.   

I received a congratulations that I completed one year of work with my company last week.  It was kind of crazy to realize, because I really only worked for 4 1/2 months in the office before we were sent to work from home due to Covid.  Now, for the past 7 months, I have worked from my basement, providing quite a different "service" than what I signed up to do.  Telehealth counselling (video and phone) is just NOT the same, as being in a room with a person working through the therapeutic process.  But, it still is helpful, and vital, and I am so grateful to have a job.  

The amount of people in crisis, feeling depressed, experiencing grief and loss, is just staggering. Each day I am reminded of the amount of suffering in the world right now.  My role is just a tiny drop in a bucket of need, and I feel like I can only drop to my knees in prayer in light of all that I see. I spent most of my time, extending hope to people, and normalizing the experiences that they are going through.  The collective experience of grief, anxiety and loneliness is just so huge and impacting!  

And yet, that does not mean that I do not struggle myself.  I feel a deep weariness that I have never experienced before.  The way that this pandemic keeps dragging on and on, with no clear finish line is exhausting.  Some days I can handle it, and other days I just want to block out the news, eat candy, and numb out on TV.  

But life keeps going on.  

My kids grew a year older.  There are groceries to buy, and dinner still needs to be made every night.  I walk, I run, I row, and keep my body active.  Relationships with friends continue to exist, albeit in new, creative ways.  The sun shines.  The snow falls.  The ice melts.  Elections happen.  Life keeps going on. 

I was challenged last week, that we do not have a choice but to accept that this IS our life now.  I know it's not new news, but somehow it hit afresh for me.  I think I was holding on to a hope, and waiting for something to change... and I don't even know what that something was.  Rather, my focus has shifted to recognizing that if this IS our new life, it can be good, and there can be joy, and love, and peace, and fun.  It feels like this way is a daily choice I get to make.

And so, my response to this awakening was to unabashedly pull out the Christmas decor, and plan for my one of my favorite times of the year!  I didn't put up a tree (yet), but the simple pleasure of hanging some twinkly lights, pulling out some greenery and sparkles, and freshening up the home with some new decor is enough for me right now.  

And then, I keep on keeping on.  I wake up and go to work.  I get outside and walk.  I spend time with my kids and help them with school.  I cook, clean, and shop.  I bake special things like cookies and bread.  I talk to friends when I can.  I read my Bible and pray every day.  

This is the life we have.