The Winds of Change

Ready or not, change is coming.  Has anyone else noticed the subtle shift as the summer has begun to give way to fall?  Lately the mornings and evenings have been cooler, and the nights are darker sooner.  I'm not ready to give up on summer yet, even thought it feels like change is blowing through.  

In a lot of ways this summer felt like a giant exhale after the tension of the past few months.  Even though we were still distancing, being able to be outside daily, soaking up the sun, and playing more as a family was a welcome breath of fresh air.  I don't feel ready to have that taken away quite yet.  

I think I sense a shift coming in all the uncertainty that lies ahead.  I anticipate things will get harder again soon, and I think I want to enjoy every minute of life like it is right now.  

Over the past few weeks, I have seen and felt the upwards shift of anxiety once again.  It is reflected in my job, where my clients are starting to spiral and spin with worries once again.  It is reflected in the news, as headlines increase, highlighting the concerns of people across our country.  It is reflected in me, weighing options for the future, and feeling the uncertainty set in, yet again.  

With the uncertainty, is coupled a different type of anxiety.  I feel some resignation... or maybe acceptance... as it finally starts to clue in that things won't be going back to how they were before.  I know we have been hearing this for a while, but something about it really hit home for me this week.  Maybe it's due to thinking about the upcoming school year, and how different things will be.  Maybe it's realizing that even after summer "break," I won't be returning to my office and will continue to work from home.  Maybe it's anticipating events that are in the near future (Thanksgiving, Christmas), and realizing that many things still won't be back to normal.  

The past chapter of life is over.  What we are living right now IS our new norm.  This current state of quarantine, lockdown, social isolation will be with us for a long time.  

In some ways I still feel stuck... longing to go back to how things were before... not knowing what really lies ahead...existing in this limbo, and trying to accept this as the new reality.  

So, in many ways, I find myself doing what I normally do during times of upheaval and uncertainty.  I settle in, and find those things that bring me comfort, and create my own safe environment.  The blessing during this pandemic, for me, has been the ability to be at home.  Home is my safe space.  My family are my people.  My God still hears my prayers.  I do have all I need.